I Froze

Tiffany, Florida

Dear Dr.Patti

I'm a 17 year old girl. I was sexually abused over a few years. It all started when I was 7 years old and didn't stop until I was 13 years old. Well at least I thought it had stopped but it hadn't. A few months ago (last April) I was abused again. Two nights in a row. I froze. I was horrified and didn't know what to do. I just let him do everything. A month or two later the truth came out. I told my teacher I wanted help for a friend but he eventually guessed it was me. A lot of people got involved. I didn't like how things went. People lied to me. Even the professionals that were helping out and they never even bothered checking up on me again. That's probably why up until now I haven't been able to get the help that I need. I have a guidance counsellor I speak to but she can't do much. She has given me referrals and out of all of them only one was free. My parents haven't supported me much. They made me recant. So this person still walks around freely and lives really close to me so every time I step out of the house I am really scared. It is really hard without your family supporting you. I am trying to get this through this on my own. My guidance counsellor gave me this book Invisible Girls which is how I came across this site. I just started reading it and I have to read it in pieces because it gets really hard emotionally. I really hope that one day I will be able to get over these feelings. I have similar questions to what I have seen in the book. "Why did he do it?" I wish someone could answer this. I really do. I don't know what I need to heal but I wish someone could tell me. I wish someone could set things right for me. Up until today I am struggling with this and I really do not want it to take away my whole life.

...........Tiffany.

Dr. Patti responds: 

Dear Tiffany, 

What area do you live in? There may be some very good free counselling at the local rape crisis center. In the meantime, I am so sorry that your family is not being more supportive. But you did the perfect thing. YOU TOLD! Good job! Even though the adults around you are not doing a good job to help you - it is out there, the truth does not have to be a secret and eat you up inside. You will not have the abuse take away your life. You are in a healing spot now even if you do not realize it. Read "Invisible Girls" at your own pace. Read chapters that appeal to you, and know that the book is all about healing and that all the girls that write in my book have healed, and you will too! I am very proud of you for telling, and I am very pleased that your guidance counsellor gave you a copy of my book. Try to find others who can give you support, and find activities that make you feel good about yourself. Please write back and let me know how you are doing. And remember sexual abuse is NEVER the fault of the survivor! 

................................xo dr. patti.